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12 Offensive-Sounding I.T. Terms, That Are Actually Harmless

12 Offensive-Sounding I.T. Phrases, That Are If truth be told Risk free

I’m not smart enough to work in Information Technology, but I like to sound like I could be. Hence, I try to use a lot of I.T. lingo in common parlance. This is when I sometimes make myself blush…because some I.T. terms sound strangely obscene to me. So I’ve compiled a list of 12 offensive-sounding I.T. terms that are actually relatively harmless. Have I missed anything?

#12: IP

Of course IP stands for Internet Protocol, but when you just say the two letters out loud, it sounds like you’re telling everyone what you’re doing in the bathroom, which might be “T.M.I.”

#11: MFT

MFT is “Managed File Transfer,” a way of sending data securely between companies. But I could see how this term could be mistaken for one you would use to heatedly insult someone (and their mother).

#10: ‘aaS

“As-a-Service” solutions are all the rage these days. Software-as-a-service, platform-as-a-service, and infrastructure-as-a-service are all different flavors of cloud computing. The trouble is, people are shortening “as-a-Service” to “aaS,” and pronouncing it, “ass.” The trouble with “ass” is…it doesn’t just mean donkey.

#9: Dirty Cache

“Dirty cache” refers to data that is not yet modified in main memory, so it’s at risk of loss if mishandled. But the term could easily be uttered in a sentence about money laundering, too. Just sayin’.

#8: Penetration Testing

Whenever I hear this term, I have a Beavis-and-Butthead moment. As in, I want to chortle, “Heh-heh-heh, heh-heh-heh, he said, ‘penetration.’” But juvenile tendencies aside, it does evoke something a lot less innocent than hiring a white hat hacker to try to break into your company to expose security vulnerabilities.

#7: Joe Job

This is a spamming technique that uses spoofed sender data to send out unsolicited emails. But it sounds like…something else entirely.

#6: Code Monkey

This is an offensive-sounding term because…well, it IS used offensively. It’s a derogatory oversimplification of a programmer’s skill set…used the way people would use “server hugger” to describe someone who manages I.T. infrastructure. Not nice!

#5: SCSI

In the days when I used to work in storage tech, this term was thrown around a lot. SCSI stands for “small computer system interface,” but is pronounced, “Scuzzy.” That was a term I heard in high school used to describe classmates who existed in a permanently unwashed state of being. Not exactly a flattering adjective.

#4: P2P

Don’t get me wrong, peer-to-peer networking might be a great idea. But it also sounds like a surefire way to catch something you don’t want.

#3: Finger

Apparently, you can “finger” a username on a networked system to find out their full name, most recent time of login, idle time, the time they last read their mail, and more. You actually type in, “finger username@node.domain” at a Unix prompt to activate this program. Seriously, whoever came up with this command had a pretty dirty mind.

#2: Female Connector…or male connector, for that matter

I don’t understand why connectors or fasteners have to have a “gender,” or why their gender, if they have to be given one, is based upon similarities to certain anatomical parts. But I guess if I plugged cables into each other all day long, I’d find a titillating way to describe them too.

#1: Dongle

“WHOA!” That was my first reaction upon hearing this term. But it turned out to just be a small hardware device that connects to a computer, and if you have a Mac, you pretty much need one every time you connect to a projector. But judging from the look I got when I once went up to a co-worker and asked to borrow his dongle, it might be beneficial to ascertain that the person you’re asking knows exactly what you’re asking for…before he gets you written up by HR.

For more IT humor, check out:

  • 19 Ways For IT To Mess With Business Users
  • Why My Grandmother Can Do B2Bi Better Than Your IT Staff

If you work in Information Technology, you’re under-appreciated and overworked. And I’m sure you’ve had the occasional glimmer of mischievous glee thinking about the ways you could mess with your business users à la Jim and Dwight from The Office. Here are 19 ways you could make business users’ lives miserable if you were feeling particularly vengeful:

  1. Force users to reset passwords with high-security requirements…daily.
  2. Tell line of business people that the integration work will take 3 months every time they want to onboard a new customer.
  3. When they push back, tell them it’s because you can’t write a single new line of code for them until the Cubs win the World Series (sorry to put my finger in an open wound, fellow Chicagoans).
  4. Make the CEO’s printer default for all office computers.
  5. Add offensive words to users’ Microsoft Word auto-complete.
  6. Post everyone’s Instant Messaging conversations to a live feed under the guise of “promoting transparency.”
  7. Kick off the weekend early with an IT “review” of inappropriate websites visited by employees during the week….and publish the list in the company cafeteria.
  8. Compile a list of the Top 10 dumbest IT requests of the week — along with their requestors — and post the “winners” to the internal community.
  9. Schedule an ERP maintenance for the middle of the workday in the middle of the workweek — 11 a.m. on Wednesday sounds about right.
  10. Play World of Warcraft every day during the 3 p.m. hour to slow network traffic down to a crawl.
  11. During this time, answer the helpdesk phone with, “Leeerooooy Jenkins!”
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